


your name is just a noise now

by makethingsfunny



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4902022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makethingsfunny/pseuds/makethingsfunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Three. That’s the tally, so far, of the number of friends he’s lost to this bullshit. Three people he’s had to put in the ground.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>(Technically he’s not sure if a funeral pyre counts as putting someone in the ground either.)</i></p><p> </p><p>post episode 2.35</p>
            </blockquote>





	your name is just a noise now

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so emotional about this episode and I needed to write out my feelings so here have a little Kirsch POV fic. Poor Kirsch, who has now lost all of his best friends. Are you crying? Cause I'm crying.

“This is gonna be awesome, D-Bear,” Kirsch exclaims, eagerly trotting behind Danny as he tries to catch up. He’s so excited he can barely contain himself. “We’re gonna unite our warring bros! We’ll be like _Romeo and Juliet!”_

Danny stops, pausing in the doorway a split second as she tosses him an annoyed look. “Do you even know how _Romeo and Juliet_ ends?”

“Yeah, there’s kissing!” he reminds her, his face splitting into a grin.

She rolls her eyes at him and continues on her way outside, not waiting for him. He blinks in the sunlight as he follows her, barely catching a glimpse at Mel as she sneers at the both of them, just as she turns a corner to head to the Summer house.

“If we’re gonna help you pass Lit this year, we’re really gonna have to work on your analysis skills,” Danny sighs, turning to face him, arms crossed over her chest. “In the meantime, I think we should get a plan together. You free tomorrow night?”

Kirsch shoots her a lopsided smile. “It’s a date.”

She groans and turns away from him, rolling her eyes so hard that there’s a slight possibility she pulled a muscle. “It’s not a date. See you at the cafe tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

_“I’m not scared. Okay, you remember that.”_

The phrase keeps echoing through Kirsch’s head. It rings between his ears until his vision blurs and he can’t even focus on what’s happening around him anymore.

_“I’m not scared. I’m not scared.”_

He’s vaguely aware that Mel has entered the room and that people are talking, but all he can look at is Danny’s limp body still draped over Laura’s lap, her red hair cascading down over Laura’s knees and her slender arms dangling to the ground.

_I’m not scared._

Maybe Danny wasn’t scared. He sincerely hopes that’s true, but it’s too late to know for sure. She always had been brave, and maybe it’s good that she was in Laura’s arms, in the end. Kirsch knows now that he was never going to be able to be what Laura was to her. He hadn’t fully understood before, but he gets it now.

Kirsch is scared. Danny is— _was_ —the best of them, truly. She was the strongest and the smartest person he’d ever met, and if she was dead… But he’d always known that he was out of his depth. He had been from day one, but his friends needed his help. How was he supposed to back down from that? He couldn’t do that to his friends.

Theo gets up from his chair, moving toward the door and Kirsch can feel his jaw tighten, his lips curling into a snarl.

“Kirsch,” Theo starts, staring down his nose at where Kirsch is still crumpled in a pile on the ground, clutching his side in pain. “You are the worst brother Zeta Omega Mu has ever had. Including the vampire.”

In that moment, everything Kirsch sees is drenched in red and the only thing keeping him off his feet is the fact that he physically cannot stand. He can do nothing but watch as Theo turns on his heel to walk away, adding insult to his already significant injury.

“You are not my brother,” Kirsch spits, struggling to keep his breathing steady. He knows he’s losing blood, but he can’t bring himself to care. He should have taken Theo’s knife, or decked him, or something. Anything.

He thinks he might throw up.

 

* * *

 

Three. That’s the tally, so far, of the number of friends he’s lost to this bullshit. Three people he’s had to put in the ground.

(Figuratively. Will’s body is still technically alive and walking around, but he still can’t wrap his head around that one. He didn’t understand it when LaFontaine tried to explain.)

(Technically he’s not sure if a funeral pyre counts as putting someone in the ground either.)

All he ever wanted was to help out, to be there for his friends. It had never been a question for him. Where has that gotten him?

Kirsch lifts head, looking around at the other Summers who had gathered to sing and mourn. Danny may not have been popular with everyone, but even Mel showed up to pay her respects. She still had their loyalty. If Kirsch had been the one with the knife in his back, would he be able to say the same? He doesn’t have to think all that hard to figure out the answer.

He’s on his own now, more or less. Laura will still be there for him, and the others, he supposes, but it’s not really the same. He knows that. He’ll lay his life on the line for them anyway. For what it’s worth.

Looking back, he thinks that Danny may have been the best friend he’d had. That’s weird, right? But it’s true, he thinks. Sarah Jane had been pod-peopled when they met, even if he didn’t know it at the time. Would she have liked him she hadn’t been fish-brained? He’ll never know. And there’s a chance that Will had just been using him all along. He wants to believe that at least parts of their friendship were genuine, but he couldn’t ignore that Will had taken advantage of his blind trust. And now the one person who really just wanted to be his friend, even after he’d spent most of his time with her being an oblivious jerk, is gone. Just like that. He doesn’t even have a bro to talk to about it with, anymore.

Kirsch glances away from the fire, unable to look at it anymore. It shouldn’t have been like this. His eyes land on the petite figure next to him, the bright firelight casting an eerie glow on her features. Laura’s eyes were shining and red around the edges, but she looked about as numb as Kirsch felt. Perry and LaFontaine stood on the other side of her, quietly supportive.

“Laura–”

“Don’t,” she cuts him off, not looking up. “Please don’t.”

Kirsch frowns at her, hanging his head. He can hardly believe that just a few months ago she’d been all smiles and eagerness as she sat across from him in their Lit class. It’s like a whole different person was standing beside him now.

“Danny said that it was worth it,” he says finally, quietly. He furrows his brows, looking back to the pyre. “We’ll make sure that it was.”

“How are we supposed to do that? We lost.” Her voice is empty, hollow.

Kirsch sets his jaw, determined. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen in the next few days, but that doesn’t matter. Maybe the Summer Society had agreed to surrender, but he wasn’t a Summer. If he got the chance, he was going to put a knife in Theo himself. Violently.

“It’s not over yet.”


End file.
